Johor Here We Come

2nd January 2011..

After being fortunate enough to celebrate the end of 2010 with the friends that I love most, it hit me that CHANGE & MOVING are the next on my agenda. I've been putting it on hold, so I can't push it off any longer :((

The whole 2 months I was sitting on my bump, I ain't do nothing. I guess I was in denial that I was leaving anyway.

The night before, I told my dad that I was gonna go back to Gombak & come back the next day to Cheras to pack the remaining items. Heart just felt heavy. Went back to Aunt's place, reached there about midnite, had a yummy dinner.

The next day, packed & leave. Ventured out onto he highway, hopping dad won't be so tired that he'll stop like a million times on the road. Packed the car with some munchies & Red Bull ( to keep dad awake!), stumbled upon Yuna's new CD in 7-11 of all place for soundtrack of the journey.

I've booked 2 rooms of the best yet affordable hotel rooms in JB city; Grand Bluewave Hotel. DOnt' matter what it looks like, as long as it has a pool! So we drove on, I on the other hand was struggling to keep my eyes open the whole time. Urrghhh. Then the sky started to fall...

I was getting really dark outside. It hasn't rain in 3 days. I could see the traffic on the highway, dominated by Singaporean cars heading to Johor. OTW back after NYE celebration in KL I guess. Wished I was heading the other direction. The whole entire journey I was mostly quiet, thinking what to expect when I get there. "Will I work well? Will I adapt? Friends? I miss my friends?? I miss the stupid cats too!". The most important one of all "Will they dump me in SEGAMAT??!. Oh HELL NO!". I think the whole idea of reporting to the state first then the respective hospitals is really annoying. You can't make preparations for moving & work immediately. You're supposed to report to JKN (Jabatan Kesihatan Negeri), then only on the same day, report to the hospital you're assigned to. I was praying that I would get JB. What da heck was I doing applying to JB?

Along the way, in the crazy pouring rain, as if the sky was wheeping for my departure :p, we drove. Pretty glad that we decided to take Baby Rex (Rexton) instead of my Bobo (Myvi). Bobo would like, drown in the rain! So many accidents we came across, prayed we would be JB.

Alas! We got to JB and the sky was clear! Knowing that we would get lost, we turned on Ms. Garmin & Mr. PapaGo for directions to the hotel. I saw the tall skyscrapers; none that I recognised. The last time I went to JB was 26 years ago. Disappointed of the unfamiliarity, I closed my eyes & dream of my KL.

Not bad, Dad only stopped twice for toilet breaks cum stretching. Total time: 5 hours. Now getting to the hotel was a headache. We went round & round searching for the hotel. Didn't know that only mistake was thinkin the arrow on Garmin was a U-turn instead of 'turn right'. If all fails, ask for directions! So we got there...hungry & tired! After checking in, we went to the hotel's restaurant for dinner. Club sandwich was yummy.

Got to the rooms; one for each. My room was lovely. A queen-sized bed, warm shower & roomy!! I jumped on it and aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.... heaven. The quilt was really warm, the bed was so comfortable. I went thru my things to find my jammy, and I left it at home! aaarrghhh! So I grabbed one that I wore the nite before.

The next day, I was supposed to report for duty. How I wished I don't have to!!!!!!! For now I shall dream :)

Moving,,,Again?

I was sipping coffee & out of the blue just hit me that this blogging account of mine existed! Last post was LAST YEAR??? OhhMmmmGeee... 2 reasons: I've aged & totally forgetful about things nowadays & the Red Water Bottle is still with me. That was what triggered me to re-check this so-called 'my blog page'.

I've done a lot of growing up (& sideways!) these past 2 years. Made alot of mistakes, learnt so much from mistakes; some I don't mind repeating (ahemm), and some...not so proud of it. If I was given a choice to un-do all those things, won't change it for the world. Never thought I got this far, but I've COMPLETED the hell of hell that is HOUSEMANSHIP a.k.a INTERNSHIP Program for 2 years, have been fully certified to legally practice this thing called 'Medicine' in Malaysia. Some people are proud to tell the world of their accomplishments & promote the use of DR. with their name, me on the other hand, not so much. I truly acknowledge the rights to the hard-earned title, it's YOUR right, but I do shy away from being treated in that way. I mean, to me, a job is a job. You walk out the door, you leave it there. The only difference with other jobs is that when someone is in distress, it is your responsibility to respond.

I like to kick back, chill with my friends and family & talk about other things. I try my best to leave everything at the door. If someone introduced me as a 'doctor'..so uncomfortable. I'm not a walking Kementerian Kesihatan add wey..(although I think I should cos they are my boss..hmm).

So now. I've left PPUKM, been unemployed for 2 months without pay, doing odd jobs (locum) at every chance I get. I was transfered to Kedah, but I absolutely objected & got my wish: JOHOR. I requested specifically Segamat, but after a long talk with my collegues & best friend, I realised that it was the biggest mistake I could ever make!! Sent another appeal letter & won't know till I get there. I told them that I'm gonna report for duty after New Year. Can't miss NYE with my friends!

It was the ultimate battle; dad wanted me to go to Johor 'cos he travels there to work once a month, & Kedah 'cos mum's there & she wants a piece of me. It was hard. Always have been the ultimate battle between them. After a while, I made up my mind to follow my heart & friends' advice. I contemplated for a month: Ipoh, Melacca, Labuan, grandma's house, but I'm sure KKM is frustrated with me as it is, so F*ck it, Johor it is...MOVING AGAIN!!

I moved to Gombak to be near my cousins when I came back to Malaysia. before that, I think we were in Melacca 'cos mom works there. Then I got dad a job here, so stayed in KL. Now he's complaining that travelling to work is such a hassle & he hates to drive...SIGH. Mum said I don't spend time with her. She's right, I don't. Can't quite explain it.

4 month before I finish my internship I moved in with 2 of my friends, Iman & Tiran. I was a bit sceptical about it 'cos I'm not a roomate/housemate-type of person. I like my space & do whateva tha heck I LIKE. Chemistry is great between us & we hit it off super well. We actually miss each other when we're away. So, as you see, I hate change & I hate to move.

I packed 2 suitcases already & it pains me to even do it, cos it felt like I'm putting in memories into a box & sealing it. I've never had that ONE place that you could call home. It was ALL OVER. I know I'm drowing in debts right now, but the moment I could, I will get my own little space for me to call home. Somewhere I could go there & not to worry about anything at all :). I hope this year will bring happiness for me & everyone I know. Oh look, another box to pack...

Can't deal with changes no more..

U know what sux about my job as a House Officer? U gotta change 'houses' every 4 months..sigh..a whole new department, new staffs, crappy bosses.. I don't know how I'm gonna cope anymore. Sure, government job is 'secured' in a way but the feeling of not knowing where they gonna ship u off next is killing me!
Its extremely traumatic for me. I cant remember the last time I stayed put in 1 place either. Maybe in Bandung, Indonesia where I've spent 6 yrs of my life there. That was my 'hiding' place, my happy place *smile*. For the last 4 yrs we have moved from PJ (2 houses), Melacca, Negri Sembilan, and now, Batu Caves. It's abit comforting that Im in Batu Caves rite now, cos my cousins are there. I love them and I don't mind to be constantly surrounded by themm...well, not all the time, hehehehe. My mom bought me this house (that's wat she claimed) in Putrajaya & told me that I could stay there 1 day after I finished my studies. She lied. I can't even smell the house, she would tell me to leave. Here's the situation; my family is defined as 3 individuals, with individual incomes & possession that are not to be shared with other members of the family. Yeah, broken but not quite held together..now you know why I'm such a drama..hmmm.
I craved stability. I need to know that when things turned bad, I got a place to run to. A home, where u look around and u see memories, and things that reminded u of the simple things in life when u were young. I dont have any of that, and it bothers me a great deal..and this job is another manifestation of it.
I guessed I'm not that good either in relationship because of what I've experienced growin up. Like, if I'm not sure that I'm ready to give MY HEART AND SOUL to another, why bother? Intimacy is convenient, if that's what I'm seeking for. There is no point getting into a serious relationship when u can't give as much as you wanna get. Ive had my shares of bad episodes. Great men, bad jobs, or bad men, but addictive, hehehe. I've been cheated on, cheated with, all of it. I'm not sure if I'm ready for another. But you know what's great about love? Everytime you fall, and you think u're gonna learn ur lessons, u neva do. You keep going until by the grace of GOd, u'll end up with your soulmate.
I have this neighbour with a stray dog turned pet who is massively infested with lice but I love him to death(hehehehehehe), that will jump up and down whenever he sees me, who would bark like crazy if some unidentified idiot tryin to get to my gate..It got me thinkin; maybe it was a blessing I left veterinary school back then, cos I would have a horrible time goin on with my work. It would be a heartache to see an animal had to be put down for massive internal injuries from a car accident. If it was a human, I would care much less, but I would still do my job. I have less compassion for human cos they are mean creatures!!! Dear God we all are. An animal would not care ANYTHING ABOUT YOU, except to love u, and to give its devotion to u UNCONDITIONALLY. A human is incapable of such.
I think I'm gonna go on doing my work until 1 day, when I decided I have enough. It's a slave job, it's dangerous. Everyday, I put myself at risk and give up time for the people that I care the most in this world..and do I feel contempt & happy? I'm not.

A Sign of Home

I know that I'm home for sure, WHEN IM SITTING IN FRONT OF THE TV, WATCHING A GOOD TAMIL MOVIE!